Harry Potter Eats A Bear Ultimate Edition
by NRG99
Summary: So what is Harry Potter Harry Potter Eats A Bear Ultimate Edition? Well I'll be clumping the chapters into 3-in-1 chapters and I'll be giving trivia about them. Prepare to be shocked. I'll also make some edits.
1. Chapter 1

A/N : So what is Harry Potter Harry Potter Eats A Bear Ultimate Edition? Well I'll be clumping the chapters into 3-in-1 chapters and I'll be giving trivia about them. Prepare to be shocked. I'll also make some edits.

Harry Potter Eats A Bear Ultimate Edition

Chapter 1: The Beginning

Chapter 1.1:

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

One day Harry Potter came in the arctic with a newspaper, eating an apple and playing with the Wii. I do not know how the heck he did it, but he did it. He sees a polar bear. He says: Hello polar bear!  
But it was not a real polar bear. It was Voldemort! So he kills Harry Potter.  
THE END  
Teehee!

Originally this story was known as harry potter eats a bear, it was a one-shot and it was in French. The English version was known as harry potter eats a bear English. Yeah. And this wasn't my version, it was google translate's version! Originally every chapter was written in French first then translated to English but after I found that some chapters worked in one language but not in the other so, I decided some chapters'll (that should be a proper word in the dictionary) be English-exclusive and others French exclusive. Well it kind of worked. In the end the table was flipped and I was writing chapters in English first than in French and after a while I stopped making chapters in French. Go ahead, shun me.

Note that it was called Harry Potter and the polar bear.

This is what the chapter would look like if I wrote it.

Chapter 1.1.1

Harry Potter And the Polar Bear

One day Harry Potter came to the artic holding a newspaper, eating an apple and playing with the Wii. I don't know how the hell he did it but he did. He saw a polar bear. So he said. "Hello Polar Bear!"

But it wasn't a real polar bear. It was a Voldemort! So he killed Harry Potter

THE END

Real different I know. Now to the batcave… I mean next chapter!

Chapter 1.2:

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 2: Kill 'em all!

Another day Harry Potter went into the Antarctic. He carried with him a water pistol! I do not know why he did it but he did it. But he's an idiot. Not my fault. He sees a penguin. He says: Hello Mr. Dolphin. I'm Harrie Potter and you're a seal!

The penguin / dolphin / seal / polar bear / something like that said: No I'm not your meal! So the penguin / dolphin / seal / polar bear / something like that killed Harry Potter. Afterwards Voldemort killed penguin / dolphin / seal / polar bear / something like that to make this story interesting.

THE END

Teehee

MARIO TIME!

WTF!

Now this story came from my friend, Andrea after he found out that seal in French is _phoque_ I know it sounds like fuck, and he looked at me and we said in unison _nouveau chapitre_ which is French, and in English, new chapter!

Now this chap on HPEAB is called: I am not your meal! And on the story it's kill 'em all.

Now with this one I did edit it a bit making it a bit more fluent. But not by much.

But notice at the: Afterwards Voldemort killed penguin/…

Yep! No 'The'! Fail, I know. This chapter was funny in French but not so much in English.

Now to Stark Tower… I mean next chapter.

Chapter 1.3:

Harry Potter and Polar Bear  
Chapter 3: Lord Voldemort (again)

One night Harry Potter came to the desert. He took a spoon. I do not know why he did that but he's an idiot. Not my fault! He sees a snake with a magic wand. Then the snake commanded: You shall not pass! The snake thinks he's Gandalf for some absurd reason. NO! Not true! He's being controlled by Lord Voldemort ... who is dressed like Mario for some absurd reason.  
The snake points a pistol to Harry's Head, but Harry took an "A hard, black, realistic but not a real gun" and pointed at the head of the snake.  
BING! BANG! BOOM! BLAH! BAD BOY! BOWSER! WAIT WTF! Who Said That!  
It was Lord Voldemort.  
BANG!  
Now he's dead.  
Who killed him? The world may never know!  
Spoiler!  
It was Barry Trotter!  
THE END  
Teehee

Wait who the heck is Barry Trotter?

Bad Boys, Nigahiga robbery and another title mix-up… let's go!

Yep, I know, I should probably apologize to Nigahiga. Plus bad pun, can you find it? Hint: desert, dessert

Crappy I know, but it was kinda going to my head with all the views. I was naïve.

And, I mixed up the title! HPEAB says: Gandalf? Who's he? Whilst it was: Lord Voldemort (again).

Also Guerra was evolving into my stories, and only hard-core HPEAB fans would know who he his, which leads me to ask, are there any Hard-core HPEAB fans? Probably not.

Also All I knew about Gandalf at the time was: You shall not pass. That was it.

A/N: So that was the first 3 chapters of this thing… HPEAB! Next three chapters in the next chapter, Chapter 2: Chapter Order Confusion! Hope you enjoy! Tell me what you think, if you liked it, or if you think you wasted ten minutes of your life on it or fight whether or not it is a waste of some ones time. Wow… I am referencing a story that was deleted ages ago, Spongebob eats a dog, 3 chapters long, 13 comments, 11 of which were about whether or not they're life was being wasted reading it. If you want to read the other chapters check out Harry Potter Eats A Bear!


	2. Chapter 2

Harry Potter Eats A Bear Ultimate Edition

Chapter 2: Chapter Order Confusion

Chapter 2.1:

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
Chapter 5: The Curse of Bellatrix Lestrangle  
One day Harry came in into the club HPFNFN. But there's no D-J. So he left. But in the front door he saw Bellatrix Lestrangle  
"You will die! "She screams.  
"I won't die. "Harry said, but Bellatrix isn't listening... instead she's trying to touch her eye with her tongue, picking her nose, whilst filming it. Disgusting.  
Harry Potter calls his friend Darth Vader. Darth Vader strangles Bellatrix Lestrangle.  
The End  
Psyche!  
To be continued...

Actually,

Not really...

Oh god, let the horror begin.

Tense confusion! This chapter goes almost all in Present but at one point it goes to past: But in the front door he saw Bellatrix Lestrangle

The perpertrator?... Google translate. It doesn't translate. I mean if you want a trusty translator use something else. I find the only thing Google translate is good for is, naming a character when you can't think of a good enough name. e.g. hmmm. I want a cool character name but I can't think of one… GT! Types: Pear translate to: Haitian. Pear = Pwa. Merp. I'll use it. **Cheat the sytem!**

Also; isn't this chapter 4, so why does it say chapter 5? How about I let this cringe worthy and horrible Author's Note, tell you why.

Caution: It's confusing.

A/U: This is chapter is number 5 in the French version but I'm making it 4 on this because the main joke in chapter 4 in the French version doesn't work so well in English. I'm working on a chapter 6, 7 and 8 for the French version now so those will come in the English version as 5, 6 and 7. So see ya tomorrow.

-AWSM

Did that explain everything. That **A/U: **(fail), was pretty unhelpful wasn't it? How I love unneeded information.

Plus there is no transition between these two sentences: Harry Potter calls his friend Darth Vader. Darth Vader strangles Bellatrix Lestrangle

So? When does Darth Vader strangle Bellatrix Lestrangle, beforehand, afterwards, a day later, or in a split second? And his he calling his friend Darth Vader (calling names) or is he calling his friend Darth Vader (calling). And how does he call him? With a phone? With his mouth? With Skype? With Morse code? Now it is calling Darth Vader with his phone but it doesn't really show.

Also this is another chapter made just because of a single thought and then the story followed after words. Chapter 2: _phoque _= fuck, Chapter 3: Hard black realistic but not a real gun (sorry nigihiga), Chapter 4: Lestrange kind of sounds like Lestrangle.

Plus On HPEAB it's: Bellatrix Lestrangle but in the story it's: The Curse Of Bellatrix Lestrangle

Now to the Fortress of Solitude… I mean next chapter!

Chapter 2.2:

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
Chapter 7: The demonic smurfs  
One day in a village of mushroom, there were demonic smurfs and they wanted to kill Harry Potter because he said that "Your Favorite Martian Music" is gay.  
And they killed him with bazookas.  
And they took his head and it was burned as a sacrifice to the god of fire.

Not much to actually say here. It's the usual. Chapter 5 goes under the name of chapter 7.

Not much else. Thought process went like so: *Listening to YFM* I'll write a chapter about 'em. Hmmmm. And what else? Bazookas! And… demonic Smurfs! Now let's actually write the chapter. This was also a time when I was getting a shit load of views and I was like a thing… of which I can't remember its name, the more I had, the more I wanted and I went out of my way to write 2 to 3 stories per day.

To the next chapter… I mean… oh wait… I'm stupid!

Chapter 2.3:

Thank you for 1000 hits on my story so I'll show you a preview of a story I'm working on called Bloodlust about Fenrir Greyback. Read on.  
-AWSM

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
Chapter 7: I don't want to die!  
One day Harry Potter came in a cemetery reading a newspaper, listening to "Your Favorite Martian Music" eating a pear and making FanFiction. He sees a zombie. He says: Hello Mr. Zombie.  
But it was not a real zombie. It was Voldemort. So he spanked him with a chainsaw.

Oh goody, here is the proper chapter 7, oh wait, it's supposed to be chapter 6!

Question on might think about asking: What ever happened to Bloodlust? Well it changed into I Am Fenrir and is on my sister's account, Liefe Black.

And Yep. I had stopped stealing from Nigahiga (note the lack of teehee on these three chapters) and started stealing from YFM. "Spanked him with a chainsaw" Make it Stop! IT's terrible! Horrible!

As I can barely read that chapter without cringing like hell, I say goodbye for now. And even though I'm posting Chapter 2 on this story's day two I'm not going to make a promise like: Oh New Chapter every day! Because I used to and 50 chapters in the time span from chap. 52 and 53 was over 5 months! Biggest Hippo… I mean Hypocrite evar!

Bye! See you next time!


End file.
